دار بيبليون
The Ten Commandments for Controlling Emotions/ Lwiis Saliba Conference on Zoom Wednesday, February 12, 2025
In the previous conference (January 22, 2025), we gave a general overview of negative emotions such as fear, anger, resentment and others, and highlighted their harmful and negative effects on mental and physical health. We presented the most important reasons for the aggravation of these emotions, and their subsequent loss of control, and concluded that despite the instinctive nature of all human emotions, the human being remains capable of controlling, mastering and managing them for the good and benefit of both himself and others. In this conference, we will present practical and applied advice for controlling these emotions, which we have summarized in ten commandments drawn from the teachings of yoga, comparative mysticism and spiritual psychology.
1- Count to ten
The first commandment for controlling the different emotions is to count. Before you get angry, cry or get upset, try counting. This is actually a familiar piece of popular advice, which is repeated to those who are about to get angry: Count to ten. This counting gives them a period of time that often allows the anger to subside and they can return to their calm and normal state. Let us not forget here that anger, as we mentioned in the previous lecture, is a “temporary madness”, as many psychologists say, so is it not worth avoiding a fit of madness if we take our time and count to ten? Let us recall here the Arabic proverb that says: “In patience lies safety, and in haste lies regret”. We should therefore never rush into a state of anger or anxiety that burns our nerves and prevents us from having a clear and balanced view of things.
2- Breathe deeply
This is another popular advice, which is often repeated, as they say to the agitated person “Breathe”. Deep breathing, as well as the control of the breath and breathing, has a calming effect on the body and mind. So, simply as yoga teaches, when you want to take control of your emotions, practice simple breathing exercises and observe your breath: a deep exhalation followed by a deep inhalation that releases tension and you will notice that your mood changes and you become more inclined to calm down. Yoga also recommends holding your breath after exhaling, as this slows down the heart rate, reduces the secretion of adrenaline and activates the parasympathetic system, which helps to calm the mind and body and avoid anger, fear or any other negative emotion.
3- Do Sports
One of the things that maintains mental health and helps control emotions is the practice of physical exercises or yoga postures. Swimming, running, cycling or walking for the elderly are some of the sports that are useful in this area. Physical exercise helps to occupy the mind and automatically reduces the intensity of emotions. Hatha yoga also promotes flexibility and relaxation of the body and soothes the mind.
It is up to each person to choose a sporting activity that is adapted to their age, physical constitution and state of health.
4- Do stretching and relaxation exercises
Relaxation is an effective and proven antidote to tension and all stress. Yoga advises us to feel each emotion in our body, which usually manifests itself as tension in an area or organ, and we then relax this organ instead of letting it tense up under the effect of tension and emotion, which allows it to calm down. Relaxation, as simple as it is, is in fact a medicine against anxiety and can uproot it.
5-Direct your attention to other things
Attention is essential to control emotions and neutralize negative emotions. When a strong emotion, such as fear or anger, hits you, direct your attention to other things that you enjoy, such as reading, a favorite hobby, playing with a child, taking care of a pet, or other things that you usually enjoy doing. Any of these activities can help you calm down and manage your emotions.
6- Talk to yourself.
If you are angry, for example, you can control your feelings of anger by trying to calm yourself down out loud, such as saying to yourself “everything is going to be okay,” “relax,” or any other phrase that can help you calm down and control these feelings. Psychologists also advise talking to your muscles and organs internally and giving them simple mental commands to relax. When you are afraid, for example, you can talk to yourself or out loud, if you wish, about the reasons for your fear and how to deal with it, which are effective strategies for regulating emotions. This is what the sage Tenzin Palmo advises for example: Dialogue with our fear, but also welcome it and embrace it rather than resenting it, rejecting it and repressing it, because welcoming fear automatically reduces its intensity. While repressing it, even if it is temporarily masked, will only strengthen it and make it more dangerous.
7- Avoid excessive chatter and talk
Silence and meditation are the best antidotes to negative emotions. Anger, for example, is fueled by chatter which can provoke an attack of anger, while talking exacerbates tears, sadness and hurt. When you feel negative emotions, take a moment to stop and reflect in silence. This will help you calm down and control your emotions. On the other hand, any state of anger, irritation or resentment provokes an explosion of thoughts, and if we express our angry thoughts verbally, we intensify them and thus enter a vicious circle from which it is difficult to escape: Anger triggers thoughts, words increase the agitation of thought, and so on until entering a state of temporary madness.
8- Express your thoughts and feelings on paper
Writing is a proven self-therapy for emotional crises. It is one of the most effective ways to calm and control emotions, and it can give you a new perspective on your emotions and how to manage them. It is also an effective way to calm anxiety and relieve depression.
Creative writing about personal experiences, whether happy or painful, has positive effects on mental and physical health. This is confirmed by a new study that highlights the power and effectiveness of creative therapy in human life. This study indicates that expressive writing about life experiences is a “natural, effective and non-pharmacological way to improve resilience to trauma and psychological well-being” and that this type of writing generates positive effects on physical and psychological health, while promoting personal development and belonging to the community.
Twenty members of a group of writers called “The Right Group Life” were interviewed by medical students as part of a medical humanities project at the University of Cape Town, South Africa, and the results were published in the BMJ Medical Humanities.
The study recommends the use of expressive writing, especially in countries that have recently experienced significant clashes and tensions that have affected public health, as is the case in South Africa, and recommends that this writing continue in order to obtain further positive effects.
The group said it worked to promote creativity as a tool for processing personal experiences and held writing sessions to “promote creativity as an educational tool for change, where negative and unresolved narratives can be transformed into written stories that support and create connection and empathy.”
The organizers relied on creating safe spaces for participants to express their experiences and share them with others in the same sessions, where they were listened to by other participants, and it often turned out that similar experiences were shared, which can foster belonging and solidarity within a community.
Other studies have shown that creative writing can promote mental health, boost self-esteem, improve concentration, emotional expression, memory, and other positive effects. A common French proverb says: “You haven’t written? So you haven’t learned”
This proverb also applies to emotions, because writing soothes the mind, teaches us to calm our emotions, helps us to go inside and dialogue with ourselves, and thus helps us to control our emotions and master them.
9-Consult a trusted person
The advice of others can help you calm your furious thoughts. Especially if the other person is an honest and calm friend, or a wise adult with whom you feel comfortable. The popular proverb says “A good advice is the best gift”, and in one of the old Arabic proverbs it says: “A piece of advice is worth a camel”. In Lebanese proverbs: “He who has no elder should buy [or consult] an elder”, which means that he who does not find a mature and wise person near him should consult a wise person, even if it is difficult for him to paid the price of advice.
So always try to find a trusted friend with whom you can share your feelings, worries and some of your secrets.
10- Read spiritual and wisdom texts
There is no doubt that adopting a book of wisdom that you constantly return to and draw inspiration from throughout your path and life is something that will relieve your anxiety and improve your peace of mind. This book can be your sacred book that you have known since childhood, such as the Bible, the Quran, the Gita or other books of wisdom.
Each of us has our own book, and we are all people of the book: we recite this, or chant that, or consult that other, all of this is comforting and edifying. Yoga sages and Sufi masters advise their students to read the texts of wisdom daily, because they are the best teacher and guide for a person on difficult paths and in difficult circumstances.
In conclusion, emotions are a friend that can easily turn into an enemy, into a ferocious and predatory beast, or an enemy that can be turned into a permanent friend and ally by controlling them. The choice is ours.